Chipotle Mocha Pork Tenderloin

Okay, so you want to get someone into bed, but all you have are the following ingredients:

1c brown sugar
2c ground cacao nibs (the real thing; use coffee grinder)
1/2c coffee concentrate (see below ***)
1t chipotle powder (morita is good)
1/2t salt
1t vanilla extract
1t ground cinnamon
water for consistency

5 large crimini mushrooms or two portabellas, sliced thin
4 cups or about half a bag of fresh arugala

a fairly large pork tenderloin, about two or three pounds

a bottle of either a) Domaine Coteau Pinot Noir 2003; or b) Zaca Mesa Syrah 2001; or an equivalent really f@#!ing good red wine, big enough to handle the chocolate and surgars

a person of the correct sexual orientation and availability.......

condom..........

Mix all the sauce ingredients in a small pan and heat on medium high until the sugar melts and everything turns into a thick, dark tar, adding water or boiling until desired consistency is achieved. Sautee the mushrooms in a non-stick pan until cooked, then add the arugala, which will wilt down quickly. Remove from heat and cool. Using a sharp knife, slice the tenderloin lengthwise so that it unrolls like a sweetroll, about half an inch thick or thinner, so that you end up with a large, flat, unrolled piece of meat. Slather about half the mocha sauce on the exposed face, then distribute the shroom/arugala mix evenly. Reroll the tenderloin and seal it with tooth picks or bamboo skewers (cut off afterword with wire cutters). Heat grill to very hot. Grill the tenderloin on both sides to get some decent grill lines, then allow it to rest in the center of the grill with the center burner off and the side burners on for indirect heat. Should be around 400 degrees. Using a meat thermometer, roast the tenderloin until heated through, about thirty to forty minutes, about 160 degrees in the center for safety. Remove from grill and allow to rest, then slather with additional chipotle mocha sauce and garnish with fresh cilantro. Open bottle of wine. Mix a salad of arugala and a lite vinagrette, not too acidic. Maybe serve some barbecued yams or equivalent on the side, with fresh thyme butter.

Eat dinner outside with votive candles and Bobby Lounge playing in the background. After dinner, have a dessert of vanilla bean ice cream with Mexican chocolate sauce, then go directly to the bedroom or perhaps the living room couch for a mystical rendezvous. Mission accomplished.

***Coffee concentrate:

Using a French press, mix about five tablespoons of ground coffee with about two cups of boiling water. Stir well, press and use this as your liquid for the chipotle mocha sauce, adding more as needed.