Canelo Reverie

Three Saints Syrah 2005

Three Saints is my new favorite winery. Their Cabernet Sauvignon is to die for, so I decided to try their Syrah.

In the glass the wine is viscous and nearly opaque dark purple. The nose is explosive with black fruit, cherry jam and chocolate/espresso. Swirling the wine in the glass produces sluggish pools of extracted, resinous glycerin that slide slowly downward, hinting at the mouthfeel to follow. In the mouth the wine has the consistency of half and half, with smooth, integrated tannins that completely coat the palette. Flavors of blackberry jam and milk chocolate explode and then smolder for a very long time. Acids and sugars are in profound balance and the high alcohol content (15.1%) is thoroughly hidden beneath massively extracted fruit. This wine is very hedonistic and worth every penny. An amazingly rich wine and a perfect example of new world, fruit-bomb Syrah. I can't believe how decadent this wine is. Not for red wine newbies. A serious f*cking Syrah from Santa Ynez, made by seriously talented people.

My score: 91

Where I'm Coming From

One of the hardest things in life is to go on believing in yourself even though you know you're full of shit.

Chateau Recougne Bordeaux Superieur 2003

I recently attended a free Bordeaux tasting at Cata Vinos. It was an amazing experience, since I don't drink much Bordeaux and have been on the lookout for an affordable bottle that doesn't suck. Well, look no further, all you wanna-be French wine people. Here it is, the screaming deal.

Chateau Recougne Bordeaux Superieur 2003 is an absolutely classic example of red Bordeaux. I believe it is a roughly fifty-fifty blend of Cabernet Franc and Merlot, although this might change from year to year. On the nose the wine smells of dark fruit, earth, mushrooms and just a hint of barnyard. In the mouth I tasted dark fruit, leather, earth and savory spices with a nice balance of acidity and sweetness. Nicely integrated tannins, not harsh at all, and a modest finish without any bitterness. A commendable wine containing many of the components you might look for in a Bordeaux. Not an American Koolaid wine. This one brings the funk, but does so nicely.

You can get it for $15 at Cata Vinos.

My score: 87

Cheers!

I have found that, creatively speaking, the safe choice is always the wrong choice.

The Cata Vinos Crew

Sitting with Yvonne and Jo Ann late in the evening after tasting through a dozen Zinfandels, narrowing it all down to five decent wines for the shop, two of which I'll certainly be buying for myself, and thinking to myself that this is really cool, being part of a handful of people that Yvonne has taken in as her crew of confidants, people she trusts enough to help her pick the best of the best in the under-fifteen-dollar category. A great selection of Zins, all decent, but we found a couple we really liked. Can't wait to share some of them with you, dear reader, once Yvonne gets them in. One in particular, the Clos La Chance, was spectacular. We even tasted it against Valley of the Moon, which I've liked in the past, and found the Clos La Chance to be vastly superior. A $30 wine in a $15 bottle. Wow.

I'll write a full review of it soon.

-t

Marquis Philips Shiraz 2006

This amazing wine is all the more amazing since it clocks in around $15. Produced in the grand tradition of Mollydooker (in fact, originally produced by the same folks) this wine is the quintessential Aussie Shiraz. On the nose the wine is explosive with smoke, blackberry, blueberry, pepper and oak. In the mouth the wine is very smooth with integrated tannins. Flavors include blueberry pie, vanilla, blackberry and the kind of leather they used to use to wrap old wooden trunks bound for far away lands. Amazingly balanced, with profound mouthfeel. The shocking 15.5% alcohol is hidden behind perfectly extracted fruit flavors. Almost as good as Mollydooker Shiraz, and about $10 less. Amazing. Get some now!

My score: 91 (incidentally, Robert Parker rates this one a 92)

Did I say get some now?

The Retard You Signed Up For

Sometimes I don't know how we've survived. Without the continuing help of others, this little family would have blown apart years ago. I wish I could be a person who was wildly successful in the world. I've never been. It's amazing I've even got a wife and kids. It's amazing I'm not still stuck in some lonely reality, somewhere far, far from where I am.

I try to be generous of spirit, but sometimes I wonder who I am, or what I am doing. I spend my days taking care of retarded adults who have nothing. I get paid very little to do this. I am really, really good at it. My people love me. I am the leader of the freaks. It is the most unglamorous job a person could have, perhaps on the level of garbage man or janitor (although those jobs pay better).

I'm not complaining. I'm trying to tell you that I've arrived. This is the end of my long quest to make it in the world. This is it. I go to gatherings of other fathers who have real jobs with real responsibilities. They talk about things that sound respectable, things that sound important. Then they ask me what I do, and I tell them, and they stare at me blankly, not knowing what to say. What can they say? What do you say to someone who seems so intelligent and helpless? Certainly this weirdo is making poor choices. Certainly he is resisting some greater level of personal involvement in the world.

I guess when it comes right down to it, I'm more of a retarded person than a normal person. I have real deficiencies in my ability to relate to people. I used to hang out on the periphery of social events, afraid of participating. I used to regularly put my foot in my mouth, embarrassing myself or others. I never seemed to get it when someone liked me or wanted to be with me. I missed any number of opportunities for relationships with great women who simply couldn't get through to me. I preferred (and still do) the company of trees and rocks, and the internal monologue of my own restless mind. Does this make me an artist, or does this make me insane?

And nothing really changes, although my poor wife has tried for ten years to train me to become a reasonable person to be around. I'm still largely the same as I always was. Even when I'm relating to others, it's largely part of some creative process that starts and ends inside me.

The people who like me are able to put up with all the heaviness, the desire to go deep into disturbing conversations, the willingness to freak out and be crazy. Not just anyone can tolerate such bizarre behavior. Most people have better things to do, or they simply don't want relationships where real things get talked about, where the boundaries of safety are frequently crossed, where mistakes get made and laughed at, where every day is an attempt to simply rise above the desire to GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE AND AWAY FROM YOU, anywhere but here, no offense, I'm just crazy.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for being my friend. I know it isn't easy.

Taft Street Pinot Noir 2006

Okay all you Pinot people, here is your screaming deal from the 2006 vintage. This modest wine from Sebastopol, California is hands down the only $15 Pinot Noir I've tried that allows for time travel the way a $50 Pinot might (minus some thunder, of course). The nose brings to mind mummified cherries from the Ming Dynasty with the dust and dirt of old trails long grown over. In the mouth the wine is fruit-forward with dried cranberries, strawberry jam and sour cherries wrapped around a core of dried leaf litter and old leather work gloves. Acidity and sweetness are in wonderful balance and the finish, while modest, comes back to haunt the palate with notes of nativity incense and well-worn wooden furniture. An altogether amazing achievement, considering the price. I catch myself thinking about this wine when I'm out of the house, which for me is a sure sign of the underlying subtlety and quality. Only Pinot does this, and only when the fruit and terrestrial components are in concert with one another. You can find this wine at Sunflower Market on Speedway. Avoid the 2005 vintage if possible, as it was a bit overdone.

My score: 88 (with another 4 invisible points for serious time travel)

Enjoy this wine with fatty, flavorful foods. Avoid heavy, sweet, acidic sauces and chocolate, all of which will dampen this wine. You want some fat in there to carry this wine to that secret 92 point rating.

Cheers!

Year of the Tooth

Well, barring any complications, the Year of the Tooth has ended. Kariman and I have spent roughly $5000 on dental work since last January. Today was part two of my slow motion bar fight. Dr. Steve removed all the mercury amalgams from the entire right side of my mouth and replaced them with composite fillings. All told, today's tally was five large cavities redone and one or two new ones. It took three-and-a-half hours and cost $1630.

But it's the end. No more. One ceramic crown and nine fillings later. Jeezus...

Brush and floss twice a day, kiddos. Twice a day.

Three Saints Cabernet Sauvignon 2003

I was lucky enough to buy two of these bottles at half price thanks to my affiliation with Cata Vinos and the lovely Yvonne who is always on the lookout for awesome deals. This particular Cabernet, from the Santa Ynez area of Central California, is one of the best I've ever had (and that includes pricier bottles like Shafer and Silver Oak). On the nose the wine was explosive with black currants, smoke, tar and mint. In the mouth the wine tasted strongly of cassis, licorice, mint, dark chocolate, smoke and cedar all cascading around each other. Tannins were modest, not as smooth as pricier wines, but perfectly tolerable. An amazing wine, at least in the 2003 vintage, and one which I'll watch closely in the future. I like it even better knowing that it's from Sideways country, an area usually known for Rhone varietals.

My score: 92

Cheers!

(yes, I know it's the 2004 label...)

The Path of Love

I choose the path of love. Pain and loss have taught me that nothing else matters and nothing else works. With humility I accept the charge that has been given: to love without exception along the long road of life, no matter where that road may lead.

Chris and Thomas

Finally the courage to produce beautiful music with powerful harmonies and sparse instrumentation. You can actually HEAR the lyrics! And what they say is transcendental, true, and not obscured by elitist pretense! A refreshing touch of warmth in a Coldplay world!

Can't wait for their next album, due some time next year. Until then, you've gotta get Land of Sea.

“Sottano” Malbec I. P. Mendoza 2004

I stopped in at Lloyd’s Liquors in Prescott on the way out to the ranch. While I was poking around, looking for a good Cabernet to go with the steaks we were cooking, the man behind the counter asked me if I like Malbec. He pointed me toward an $18 bottle that he and his friends had blind tasted against more pricey wines in the store. The price was right, so I went for it.

The 2004 Sottano Malbec is a dense ruby-purple in the glass with noticeable extraction and no visible signs of aging. Aromatics include bright red currants, cassis and cedar. Very expressive on the nose, a little like a good Zinfandel. In the mouth the wine is incredibly smooth with a lovely, mouth-coating texture. Flavors of red berries and savory herbs predominate with a characteristic roasted meat taste that I’ve come to associate with Malbec. Very harmonious and pure, and did I say smooth? Amazing stuff, really, at just under $20. I’m going to purchase four more of these, and share them with--you?

My score: 90

My New T-Shirt

By the way, this is a reference to an SNL sketch starring Will Ferrel and Christopher Walken.

The Truth of the Holidays

As the New Year descends upon us, we all feel the stress and strain of this uniquely American holiday season. Nowhere else does flagrant materialism collide so violently with forced introspection. Another way of putting it: we are compelled to focus heavily on meaningless material symbols while the spiritual nature of the season becomes commodified or covered over. The result is heightened tension within the collective psyche of all peoples. This tension bleeds over into many areas of life, forcing us to grow, or not grow, depending on our resistance to the truth.

So when you're feeling stressed out this Holiday season, remember that it's just the world asking you to give something up in order to gain the inner peace you didn't know you had.

-t

Wine Pour Geek

In an effort to stave off financial ruin (yeah, right) I have taken a part time job at Cata Vinos wine shop here in Tucson. My primary role is to host wine tastings at private parties, although occasionally I'll be in the shop helping Yvonne with public tastings. The best part, besides doing something really fun for money, is that I'll get to try tons of great wine for free.

I am now officially a wine pour geek.

Spiritual Realism

I’ve been working toward something in my paintings, something powerful. Until now I’ve dabbled using a variety of approaches, some more successful than others. Overall the paintings I like best have made use of realistic colors and simplified, realistic formal elements. This isn’t about reproducing a perfected scene from nature. This is about taking only those elements that are essential and reproducing them with full attention and power. The colors must be realistic. The formal aspects must be rendered with integrity. But the arrangements and geometries are intentionally simplified, reducing the image to its essence. Extraneous distractions are removed or pushed into mystery. The full range of light and shadow is employed, also in the service of essential truth and mystery. I call this approach “Spiritual Realism” and I believe it sums up my intentions toward painting, writing, and life in general.

I am a Spiritual Realist painter and writer (and for that matter, a cook). That is what I am here to do.

Whether this will matter to anyone is open to debate. Looking around me, I see a world largely rudderless and bereft of spiritual depth. I see people flailing, trying to fill themselves up. Can a simple artist point the way? Does anyone even care? Are we satisfied with our consumerism, our retreat into banality?

Or are we hungry?

I am reminded of Jackson Browne's amazing song "Looking East" and his very succinct way of describing our shared plight:

Looking East

Standing in the ocean with the sun burning low in the west
Like a fire in the cavernous darkness at the heart of the beast
With my beliefs and possessions, stopped at the frontier in my chest
At the edge of my country, my back to the sea, looking east

Where the search for the truth is conducted with a wink and a nod
And where power and position are equated with the grace of God
These times are famine for the soul while for the senses it's a feast
From the edge of my country, as far as you see, looking east

Hunger in the midnight, hunger at the stroke of noon
Hunger in the mansion, hunger in the rented room
Hunger on the TV, hunger on the printed page
And there's a God-sized hunger underneath the laughing and the rage
In the absence of light
And the deepening night
Where I wait for the sun
Looking east

How long have I left my mind to the powers that be?
How long will it take to find the higher power moving in me?

Power in the insect
Power in the sea
Power in the snow falling silently
Power in the blossom
Power in the stone
Power in the song being sung alone
Power in the wheat field
Power in the rain
Power in the sunlight and the hurricane
Power in the silence
Power in the flame
Power in the sound of the lover's name
The power of the sunrise and the power of a prayer released
On the edge of my country, I pray for the ones with the least

Hunger in the midnight, hunger at the stroke of noon
Hunger in the banquet, hunger in the bride and groom
Hunger on the TV, hunger on the printed page
And there's a God-sized hunger underneath the questions of the age
And an absence of light
In the deepening night
Where I wait for the sun
Looking east

-----

I couldn't put it any better. Thanks again, Jackson, for summing it up.

70,000 words

I'm 1,500 words into my novel. Only about 68,500 words to go. Should take about a year, if I'm lucky.

McManis Family Vineyards Favorite Reds Taste-off 2006

Ever since the stunning McManis Petite Sirah 2004, I’ve come to look forward to the next vintage of red wines by this modest California winery. So, when they announced their 2006 vintage, including a brand new award-winning Pinot Noir, I became excited about the possibility of another great vintage. The 2005 vintage was all-around decent, though not as great as the previous one (with the possible exception of the 2005 Syrah). For this review I’ll give my impressions of the 2006 Cabernet, the 2006 Petite Sirah, and the new 2006 Pinot Noir (the 2006 Syrah will have to wait).

The 2006 Cabernet Sauvignon by McManis Family Vineyards is bright ruby red in the glass with fairly modest extraction for this varietal. The nose is expressive with red currants and floral notes accompanied by cedar and asphalt. In the mouth the wine is sappy and slightly watery with good acidity and a slightly fake fruity quality. Berries and red currants predominate, with a hind of tangerine and light vanilla. Very modest tannin and alcohol. A simple, flavorful wine, but not nearly as good as the prior two vintages. I’ve come to expect more from McManis and I’m unimpressed with this wine, although it is still quite enjoyable, and still better than f*cking Yellowtail. I won't buy it again.

My score: 82

The 2006 Pinot Noir (!) by McManis Family Vineyards is medium garnet in the glass with fairly decent extraction. The nose is very expressive, almost explosive, with penetrating blueberry and spicey black cherry notes. In the mouth the wine is very fruity and sappy, bordering on overdone, with hints of cherry cola, black cherries and cranberry-orange marmalade. Tannin is non-existent and the finish, while short, is wrapped around a core of creamy, oaky vanilla. Low alcohol and decent acidity save this wine from its fruity-ass self. A simple, flavorful wine that flirts with becoming a gagger. I think they can do better, but this one ain’t bad, if you like koolaid. I won't buy it again.

My score: 83

The 2006 Petite Sirah by McManis Family Vineyards is dark purple in the glass with good extraction. The nose is fairly closed at this point, revealing dark berry fruit and some floral notes, along with just a hint of bacon. In the mouth the wine is modestly tannic with a lovely loamy-blueberry aspect on the midpalate. Very nice, medium-bodied fruit, not overdone, with light vanilla on the finish. Better than the 2005, but not quite like the 2004. Perhaps this one will evolve, and if it does I expect it to be quite wonderful, maybe in about six months.

My score: 85

Overall I’d say that the 2006 vintage must have been a hot one. They probably over-watered their vines in order to deal with the heat, resulting in sweet, generic-tasting fruit with little structure or concentration. The only good thing is that sometimes (as in the case of the Pinot) you get wonderful, hedonistic flavors like cherry cola or citrus mixed in with the usual berry notes. The downside is that you also get a lot of fake-tasting, sappy qualities and a certain hollow aspect to the midpalate. An earlier harvest might have prevented some of this, but McManis isn’t in the business of restraining their wines, and this time they got themselves into trouble.

The Petite Sirah is a bit of a mystery. I can only assume that it is still a little closed. It also seems to be the best of the three, perhaps due to harvesting variations or the peculiarities of the varietal. I will buy more of this in a few months to see where it is going. I expect good things once it opens up and settles in.

Better luck next year, McManis.

An Inspired Life

It is easy, when faced with the perverse challenges of raising children with no money and few prospects, to begin to doubt everything that I am doing. Maybe if I hadn't done this or that thing, of maybe if we lived in another town, or maybe if I hadn't married you, or maybe if we only had one child, or maybe if...

This fear is bottomless, unending, and undeniable. It pervades every aspect of our lives. It paints itself with dollar signs. It smells of dental work and prepackaged food. It gathers dust in the corner, then spills over onto the floor, where we trip over it, cursing.

An inspired life is one that draws its strength from Spirit. In-Spiration. But so often we question a meaning greater than ourselves. So often we think that, if only we could just rework the numbers, maybe we'd get ahead.

But ahead of what? Our consumption patterns? Our debts? What are we trying to get ahead of? Each other? Our own physical destruction?

No. Enough of this getting ahead. Therein lies true madness. Therein lies the death that calls itself a life and raises two dead children, beholden to the tax collector and to the rapacious monstrosity that is this cancer-culture, this self-devouring miasm of greed and unsustainability, soul-less, without Spirit.

If we lose the Spirit, we're already dead, and the Spirit, however we may define it, is not a function of our rational, egoic mind.

That is why I paint. That is why I write. I do these things because they sustain my Spirit. I do these things in the hope that others might likewise be inspired. Hey, if Tyler can do it, then maybe I can, too. Maybe I can stop fearing. Maybe I can learn to breathe again.

I have felt the consequences of fear-based decisions. I will make choices based on courage, not fear. I will seek the inspiration in all that I do. I will not give in to the soul-less world. I will accept what comes, knowing that, in the end, I lived deep down in my soul, in my heart, in these fragile, breakable bones.

And I will teach my children to do the same.

Wild Sunset

My newest painting, now at Mo's.

Cata Vinos Article in the Arizona Daily Star

Way to go, Yvonne!

Here's the article, with a little help from Tim, Patty, and yours truly:

http://www.azstarnet.com/sn/biz-topheadlines/207374

Orin Swift "The Prisoner" Zinfandel Blend 2005

As a general rule, I do not usually go for Zinfandel. I find it to be mostly sweet and cloying with not much complexity. However, occasionally I'll find a bottle that is really great, and "The Prisoner" by Orin Swift Winery is as good an example as any.

In the glass the wine is medium dark ruby with modest extraction. The nose is opulent with a variety of floral and jammy berry notes, as well as a little spice. In the mouth the wine is very smooth with fine tannins and imperceptable alcohol. The classic sweet Zin flavors are there, but are balanced by other flavors picked up from the five (!) other grape varietals blended to make this wine. The finish is reasonably long and very lovely. Overall I'd say this is an excellent and very smooth Zinfandel blend that would appeal to just about anyone. It scored well with the critics and I can see why. A very noble and appealing effort by a young winemaker who clearly knows where he is going. I expect future vintages to be even better.

Cheers!

The Climb and the Fall of America

One of the toughest things is to realize that we aren't young any more, and that our bodies are beginning to break down. For some of us this realization comes early, perhaps due to some illness or brush with death in our youth. For most of us the breakdown of our physical body begins in our thirties and progresses until our inevitable demise, hopefully later than sooner. Each of us must face death in our own way. Perhaps we become more conscious, and choose the path of prevention, or maybe we choose to accelerate our death, perhaps through poor diet, alcohol, drugs, eating too much or not enough, or engaging in dangerous activities. Much of this kind of activity is unconscious, and has been well-documented. In the end, we cannot prevent our disintegration, no matter how careful we are.

Throughout my life I have struggled with the paradox of life and death. I have been a careful person, so careful that I can engage in enormously dangerous sports (rock climbing) where the line between life and death is incredibly small and hangs on the slightest mistake. I have come close to losing my life on a number of occasions, up there on the rocks, and it was only extreme care and attention that made the difference. Paradoxically, I am also a person who feels a desire to let go, to allow myself to fall off the edge, to drink, to smoke, to do whatever it takes to obliterate myself. Both the desire to hold on tight and to let go are attempts to flirt with the edges of my limited, egoic reality. They are part of a death dance that I have engaged in all of my adult life, if not before.

But things are changing, as they must, sooner or later. Having children, and wanting to watch them grow, has begun to erode my death instinct. I have become more aware of my mortality. Recent health problems--symptoms of middle age--are beginning to bring me closer to the edge than ever before. I don't need to climb a cliff to feel the edge of life. The edge is with me all the time. I can actually feel my body slipping, slowly, day by day.

I'm feeling closer to death, and wanting life more than ever before. My patience for wasted time is gone. I have no room for insanity, unconsciousness, or bullshit. I consistently seek the quality moment. I am intolerant of people who seem more interested in personal drama than genuine connection. I would rather sing or dance or eat good food than watch television or read the paper.

Now all of this could turn around. I might begin to heal myself and become fully re-invested in the American McConomy. I might lose sight of mortality, and once again feel invincible, isolationist, and free to disconnect myself from the heart of life. I might get control of this f*cking thing! I will get control! I will! I will stop the terrorists!

But I doubt it.

I want this loss of control to happen. I am tired of trying to fix things. I am tired of being careful. Denial of the breakdown does not stop the breakdown from happening.

I am tired of trying to save the American Dream.

Charles Shaw Sauvignon Blanc 2005

Sitting beneath the feather tree, sipping white wine, 3pm, only a few mosquitos, and no interruptions...

Charles Shaw Sauvignon Blanc 2005 is a pale straw color in the glass with minimal evidence of extraction. The nose is open, smelling of citrus and melon. In the mouth the wine is simple and short, and fairly pure, with flavors of honeydew, sweet grapefruit, a flutter of toast, and some nice minerality. A refreshing, innocuous wine without any noticeable flaws, and certainly worth three dollars in Arizona.

By the way, the Sauvignon Blanc is consistently the only wine by Charles Shaw worth buying, in my honest opinion. The Shiraz is occasionally *okay* and the Cabernet can either be very bad or just reasonable. The Merlot and the Beaujolais are, in my opinion, consistently fake-tasting. The Chardonnay ain't bad, but the Sauvignon Blanc is the best of the bunch.

My two cents on Two Buck Chuck.

Cata Vinos

You do not deserve Cata Vinos, yet there it is, on the southwest corner of Alvernon and Presidio (just south of Fort Lowell). What is Cata Vinos? Well, as far as I can tell it's the only wine shop anywhere devoted to good wines under $15. That's right. You will never have to pay more than $15 for a great bottle of wine again (or so they say). Based on my initial survey I can tell you that they do carry several wines I've fallen in love with for their quality and low price point, including wines by McManis, Castle Rock and Cycles Gladiator (Hahn). They also carry a variety of cheeses and crackers, although I didn't have time to investigate. Overall, the place is decidedly Tucson, with a "good enough" vibe that carries right over to their website. The owner, Yvonne, reminds me of one of the Schrag sisters, one of those edgy, smart, almost-sixty hippie women capable of riding a mechanical bull while tossing a mean chef salad. The wine buyer (I wouldn't dare call him a sommelier) reminded me of one of my drumming buddies, complete with greying ponytail and wandering eyeball. I'm sure he knows what he's doing. How could he not? As of this writing, Cata Vinos is only about a week old and there's still plenty of room for more bottles. Tastings are held weekly, with the usual varietal and regional emphasis. Please, please, please support these guys. They've got a great concept and wonderful attitude. You won't be disappointed!

-T

Rustic Roasted Red Sauce with Pancetta and Fresh Basil

Wow! This is really f*cking good!

(serves four)

~8 cups fresh tomatoes, chopped into chunks
4 cloves garlic, whole
2t garlic pepper or equivalent mix of pepper, garlic powder and salt
~1c olive oil
1/2c raw pancetta, minced
1 medium onion, any variety, minced
1c fresh basil, minced
salt and pepper to taste
mesquite chips for smoker

I love roasted tomatoes. They are mellower than sundried tomatoes and much more versatile. In a 9x12 baking pan (pyrex or non-coated metal) toss chopped tomatoes with 1/2 cup olive oil and garlic pepper. Throw whole garlic cloves on top. Set the pan directly on your grill. Set your smoker box nearby and place moist mesquite chips accordingly. Close grill. Heat to very hot (approximately 450 F). Maintain this temperature for about an hour, checking occasionally. You want to roast your pan of tomatoes until the edges blacken and 2/3 of the juice is cooked off. Smoke ‘em good! When satisfied, remove from grill and scrape into a ceramic bowl or glass measuring cup. Using a hand mixer (or food processor) beat the sh*t out of the toms and garlic until you have a nice paste. Set it aside. In a medium saucepan or skillet, cook onion and pancetta in a little oil until done. Add tomato paste and cook a little more. Add a little extra olive oil to avoid sticking. Salt and pepper to taste. Remove from heat. Prepare noodles for four people in salted water. Drain and rinse finished noodles. Pile noodles on plates, add sauce, then add fresh basil liberally. An alternative would be to mix everything together and serve family style. Serve this dish with a good, acidic red wine like Luna Sangiovese or McManis Petite Sirah.

Wow! Awesome!

P.S. You don't have to smoke the toms, but the mesquite smoke adds something magical to an already great dish.

Kosta Browne Sonoma Coast 2005

I recently acquired several half bottles of this amazing wine. I am not going to share any of them with you, dear reader, unless you can prove that you care enough about good Pinot to really enjoy them. This is not some snobbish rebuke. You have to really give a sh*t to understand and appreciate a wine like this one. And it is not even their top flight offering.

Kosta Browne Sonoma Coast 2005 is a lovely, pure, medium-ruby-cola color. The wine is quite viscous, with profound glycerine that puddles and pools all over the sides of the glass. This viscosity translates into a profoundly smooth mouthfeel with subtle, integrated tannins that carry the substantial fruit flavonals and bright, volatile acids. Classic Pinot notes of cherry, Coca-Cola and warm spices are evident. The finish is long and complex, with flavors evolving toward more of a cassis profile with vanilla and moderate oak in perfect balance. The alcohol, while substantial at 15%, is kept in check by the profound extraction and stunning fruit. The nose is lustrous and beautiful, filled with cherry, strawberry, vanilla, cinnamon, and so forth. These guys really know how to make Pinot. They are one of the best producers in Sonoma County, if not the world, and their wines sell out very quickly. I have never seen their wines for sale anywhere, so when I saw these half bottles I decided to grab a few.

This is the best, biggest Pinot I’ve had the privilege to try. It certainly ranks alongside Seasmoke Southing or any great, powerful new world Pinot Noir. It is the sort of wine that makes a person pause for a moment to reflect on his or her mortality, life choices, and reasons for being alive, and for that it is worth every penny.

Heck, it costs about as much as therapy, but works better.

Cheers!

The PRE-MONSOONAL

We just hosted our annual PRE-MONSOONAL party, and based on the turnout I’d say it was a success. This is the second time we’ve done this. The first time was in response, more or less, to losing my job at the gallery, and while things are fine for us this year, we know many other people in crisis. Divorces, drug relapses, and hospitalizations seem to surround us on all sides, and we are reminded of the fragility of life and the temporary nature of our closest relationships.

The PRE-MONSOONAL has come to represent a feeling, one of tension and release, much like the atmospheric tension that precedes a monsoon storm. It’s the kind of feeling where you just can’t take any more and you're ready to scream. It’s where you can’t give any more of yourself, even if you wanted to. It’s the moment of truth where all deception fails, where the lies we tell ourselves no longer work, and we’re confronted with naked reality.

Then the sky opens up, and water drowns the land.

The cicadas are buzzing in the trees, and someone saw a paloverde beetle. Deep within the ground, insects and animals are beginning to stir, anticipating the rainy season. This is my favorite time of year. It is a time of absolution. Soon there will be rain. Soon we will find relief from the hundred-degree heat.

Soon life will begin anew.

Cycles Gladiator Pinot Noir 2005

After trying several Pinot Noirs under $15 I was beginning to become frustrated. Most of them were either overdone or lacking in some critical area. Then I stumbled upon this modestly priced bottle and was immediately satisfied. The 2005 Cycles Gladiator Pinot Noir (Hahn Estates Winery, Soledad, CA) is an excellent example of classic California Pinot. The nose is a lovely mix of cherry cola and spices, so classic that I'd call it indicative of the region. In the mouth the wine is very smooth with cola, cherry, cranberry and vanilla notes and minimal oak on the medium-length finish. I believe it would pair well with most foods, with the possible exception of highly acidic foods or very sweet and spicy foods.

Again, this is an ultra-classic Pinot from the upper Santa Maria Bench area of California. It tastes almost exactly like wines from Foxen and Cambria, but at half the price (and half the enjoyment). A lovely, casual Pinot for everyday use or the occasional party.

And at $11, you simply can't do any better.

Sometimes Forever

Sometimes I get so tired of managing other people's mental space that I just want to get in my truck and leave forever. Not that I ever will, because I'm one of the so-called good guys. But it's important to remind myself that I really could leave, if I needed to.

I really could.

And no one would ever find me.

Ever.

More Artworks Photos

Tom

Marco

Joe

Bonnie

Barefoot Merlot

Last night I tried a bottle of Merlot by Barefoot Cellars. It was a gift from a friend who came over the other night for dinner. This review in no way reflects on the quality of the friendship, only on the quality of the wine.

Barefoot Merlot (unspecified vintage--scary) is a medium transparent ruby-purple in the glass with modest glycerine and no sign of aging. On the nose the wine smells strongly of black currents and hand soap with just a touch of asphalt. In the mouth the wine was fairly tannic with modest alcohol and a reasonable balance of acids and sugars. It tasted of black fruit, leather, spice and perhaps a hint of cold mix asphalt. The finish was uneventful and of medium length, ending with an aftertaste of sun-bleached wood. Overall, I found this wine to be undrinkable. It would probably go fine with a Carl's Junior Bacon Cheeseburger and Curly Fries.

How it won a gold medal is beyond me. All the other wines in its class must be terrible.

And the winner is...

Apparently I am the non-student winner of the Harmony Contest for my short story The Sound of Wolves Might be Dogs Barking. I haven't been notified by anyone. The prize money is supposed to be $500, and my story will be published in their journal. I'm now officially a published author. Cool!

Thanks to all of you who helped me with this story. If anyone would like to read the finished story, let me know and I'll send you a copy.

Cambria Pinot Noir Julia's Vineyard 2005

I'm happy to say that the 2005 vintage of this excellent wine is just that--excellent. Wonderful dusty cherries and clove on the nose give way to sour cherry, oak, vanilla and warm spices with very little tannin and delicious acidity. Not overdone, medium body with modest alcohol.

The winemaker is a woman, and she clearly knows how to make a wine that would go well with just about any type of food. The 2004 was great and this one might be better. You can find this wine for around $19 a bottle retail, and while most wines in this price range are not worth the money, this one is. An elegant, well-made and very versatile Pinot. I'd buy a case if I had $230 to spare.

Cheers!

McManis Syrah 2005

My dear fellow wine drinkers, my condolences to all of you two, three and six buck Chuck afficionados out there who have yet to discover the meaning of a really good affordable bottle. Here it is. This is the one, the crowd pleaser for 2005.

McManis Syrah is almost certainly the best bottle of affordable red wine made in California, bar none. It even outshines their wonderful Petite Sirah, at least in the 2005 vintage. A booming nose of blackberries, black cherries and vanilla, followed by opulent berries, spice, vanilla and mocha in the mouth. A nice balance of acidity and sugars with succulent fruit. Medium dark ruby in the glass with modest glycerine (legs). Smooth tannins and moderate oak with good structure (could be aged a few years). Really, really satisfying, and at $10 this wine is simply unstoppable.

Really.

So stop wasting time with all the others. Realize that there is something better out there, and for not much more than you were paying for that rotgut Yellowtail or that dillwater Napa River. After you've tried McManis, you'll never go back.

Cheers!

Tarragon Cream Chicken

After years of experimentation, I finally came up with a dish that uses that most challenging herb of all, tarragon. The taste of tarragon falls somewhere between basil, mint, and citrus, making it a perfect match for—chicken? I prefer fresh tarragon, since its flavor is a little more subtle. The problem with tarragon is that it is a very singular taste that becomes cloying if not balanced out by other flavors. The following recipe is approximate. It is not a recipe for a novice cook. You will need to finesse the sauce to get it right, since cream has a tendency to absorb certain flavors and augment others. Be careful not to burn your garlic or scald your half & half.

Tarragon Cream Chicken

2 pounds chicken apple sausage (or shredded chicken)
2 pounds asparagus (about two grocery bundles)
6-8 cups noodles (wheat or rice to match roux)
1 pint half & half (don’t hold back)
1c prepared rice or wheat flour roux (to thicken the sauce)
2-3t lime pepper or equivalent (Spice Barn is perfect)
1t ground nutmeg
1/2t turmeric (for color; provides minimal flavor)
1c finely minced fresh tarragon
5 cloves crushed garlic (fresh, not powder or salted)
2T unsalted butter
salt to taste
water to thin sauce if needed

t = teaspoon
T = tablespoon
c = cup

Grill or sauté the sausage then cut it into thin slices. You can also remove it from its casing, crumble and fry it chili style. Make sure it is thoroughly cooked and set it aside.

Pre-cook your asparagus and julienne. Grilled is best. Set it aside.

In a large sauce pan or skillet, melt butter on low heat until just melted. Add crushed garlic and spices, including tarragon. Whisk a little to mix and activate spices. Wait until butter begins to bubble, then add the half and half. Bring to steaming hot, whisking occasionally to prevent scalding. Heat should still be fairly low. Begin to add flour roux. Cook sauce slowly over moderate heat, whisking constantly, adding more roux until desired thickness is reached. The sauce should be about as thick as barbecue sauce. Taste for salt, and adjust if needed. Add more lime pepper if desired. Add sausage and asparagus. Stir and coat all ingredients. Heat until hot but not boiling, then remove from flame. Pour over noodles.

I served this with a salad of spring mix, apples, cranberry goat cheese, candied pecans and apple vinaigrette.

This meal would go nicely with a good white wine. Zaca Mesa’s outstanding Roussanne was my choice, but any great Pinot Grigio (Girgich Hills comes to mind) or Sauvignon Blanc (Kim Crawford) would work fine. Try to find something with good acidity, citrus notes and not much residual sugar.

A decent beer to have with this dish would be Stella Artois.

Enjoy!

Tobin James "Liquid Love" Late Harvest Zinfandel 2004

Want to try something really different, that’s actually special if handled correctly? I picked up a bottle of Tobin James “Liquid Love” the other day as a Valentine’s Day experiment. We opened the bottle not knowing what to expect. The bottle itself is thin, about as big around as a towel tube, giving one the impression of concentration. Well, the wine is concentrated, but not in the way that normal wines are concentrated. In a normal wine, the winemaker makes decisions to create a highly extracted wine, resulting in a dark, syrupy liquid filled with mysterious power and, if not treated carefully, too much alcohol from grapes harvested late and fermented too long. In the case of Tobin James “Liquid Love” the grapes were intentionally harvested late, allowing the sugars to concentrate. Then the wine was handled carefully to prevent runaway fermentation. The alcohol is still quite high (at 17.5 percent) but the residual sugars (4 percent) and glycerin are substantial enough to counter the alcohol. The result is a drink that is of medium transparency with modest extraction, very low acidity and a cloying sweetness not found in normal wine. This sweetness allows a person to eat similarly sweet and tannic foods like chocolate, which normally would kill the flavor of just about any wine. In fact, I found the inclusion of chocolate to be essential to the experience, since drinking the wine by itself was almost suffocating. The chocolate cut the sweetness in the wine, allowing the other flavors to emerge. Taken together, the chocolate and wine tasted unlike anything I’ve encountered before. And of course the mixture of downers and uppers was a little like drinking absinthe with a hit of cane sugar. Really different, and special, if handled correctly.

Cheers!

All That Matters

To those of you who have the audacity to think your personal drama matters (like me) think again.

My cousin Heather's youngest baby is dying from cancer.

Art and Money

Well, I've sold three large oil paintings over the last couple months, for a total of $2450 (my take; half the retail asking price). It's a start. I'm back in the studio now after many months, with plans to produce enough work to keep Mo's Gallery happy and hopefully some additional work for a new gallery in Tubac or Prescott.

I'm also submitting my new short story in a week. The prize money is $500. I'll keep my fingers crossed on that one.

Gotta pay the bills...

McManis Cabernet Sauvignon 2005

This modest bottle ($10) from McManis Family Vineyards is one of the nicer low-budget cabs I've tried in a while. The nose is classic Cabernet with just a hint of asphalt that carries through to the mouth. In the mouth the wine is fairly smooth with good acidity and low tannin, making it fine for a variety of foods and casual sipping. Alcohol is restrained at 13.5 percent, reflected in the medium level of extraction, medium viscosity and medium dryness. Not too much oak to get in the way. A nicely balanced wine without any flaws and plenty of value for the price. Another winner from the same winery that brought us that outstanding 2004 Petite Sirah!

Waffles Kaplan

You will never eat waffles the same way again...

Waffles Kaplan:

Mix waffle batter the same way you would for regular waffles. Make sure your waffle iron is set to the crispier end of its cooking cycle. Cut bacon into small strips; small enough to fit inside the waffle iron. Pour the batter, then plop down two or three (or four) pieces of bacon on top of the wet batter. Close the lid, and cook until ready (crispy brown). Top with syrup. Butter optional.

By the way, I can't take credit for this idea. I believe it was Chance and Lynn who came up with this recipe, in honor of our good buddy Matt Kaplan (aka 'Neighbor Matt') a known hedonist. This is the same Matt Kaplan that used to drink the hot wing sauce after he finished a plate of four-alarm wings. You get what I'm sayin'?

Enjoy!

2007

I haven't posted in a while on account of holiday craziness. I'm glad that 2007 is here, and I hope things shift in the direction of financial security and creative freedom. 2006 was a tumultuous year that basically kicked my ass and left me feeling less secure than ever. I guess getting fired, having another baby, and having a nervous breakdown would do that to a guy!

On a brighter note, I finished a short story which will be entered into a contest at the University. I wouldn't have been able to justify this effort were it not for the $500 prize money. The title of the story is The Sound of Wolves Might Be Dogs Barking. It has mostly to do with my current occupation (working with the mentally handicapped) but also with romantic love in the workplace. If you want to read it I would be happy to send you a copy.

All for now.

Reality

There was a time when things like being an artist mattered. Not any more.

Thanksgiving 2006 - A Culinary Report

Bobby Flay ain’t got nuthin’ on us:

Roast Turkey with Chili Cacao Rub and Red Móle Gravy
Wild Rice Stuffing with Cranberries and Toasted Almonds
Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Fresh Cranberry Citrus Relish
Sauteed Asparagus with Wild Mushrooms
Pumpkin Pie with Heavy Whipped Cream and Mexican Chocolate Sauce
Sea Smoke Cellars “Southing” Pinot Noir 2004

If you want to know how to make any of these items, let me know. I’d usually write down the instructions, but I’m too busy with children and holidays and everything else. It goes without saying that the above meal was unbelievably delicious and will never happen again in quite the same way.

If you have the opportunity, I strongly recommend you pick up a bottle of Sea Smoke Cellars pinot noir. Their 2004 “Southing” is transcendental, the sort of wine that grabs hold of your soul, forcing you to pause and reflect for a moment while you reel beneath a many-layered sensory assault. Wow! I won’t mention the price. Let’s just say it was worth every penny.

Cheers!

Beyond Bem Mesa

This is my latest oil painting and one which I feel good about. It contains most of the elements of my style, which is to say it makes good use of abstraction, simplification, zero-point dimensionality, geometric rhythm and mystery. I’m also satisfied with the colors and the way they interact. I like the way the trees inhabit flat space while the hills inhabit volumetric space. This entire painting, from start to finish, was painted in about five hours, with another two hours for canvassing and gesso. If it sells, I’ll be making about $100 an hour, which ain’t too shabby.

If it sells.

Artworks Photos

Some of the fine folks I work with at Artworks:

Jack

Ron and Debbie

Eddie

Blossom Hill Merlot 2003

Two Buck Chuck ain’t got nuthin’ on Blossom Hill, except a couple measly dollars. The 2003 Merlot by Blossom Hill (a subsidiary of Almaden, in case you were wondering) is most likely one of the best five dollar Merlots in California. We happened across this humble bottle when we were staying at June Lake Village near Yosemite. We tried it alongside an eighteen dollar Sangiovese (yes, I know it’s a bogus comparison) and guess what, the Blossom Hill was better! Once again, price isn’t everything when it comes to wine.

The 2003 Blossom Hill Merlot is a medium transparent ruby in the glass with very little sign of aging and modest extraction. The nose is bright with the typical red currants, strawberries, and cherries of this varietal. In the mouth the wine is light with very little tannin or alcohol. The usual varietal tastes are here along with modest oak and a hint of barbecued pork (?) which adds just a bit of nuance to the fairly short but pleasant finish. A very drinkable wine with enough substance to make it shine in the company of more expensive wines. Better than Charles Shaw and much better than that rotgut Yellow Tail sewer water I tried a few months ago.

Cheers!

Mexican Train Wreck Chili

Mexican Train Wreck can be made using just about any series of ingredients and quantities. Here is the best recipe I have been able to come up with.

Mexican Train Wreck Chili

1 lb. lean ground beef (a little more won't hurt)
1 large green bell pepper, finely diced
1 medium yellow onion, finely diced
1/4c frying oil, canola or olive are fine
1 15oz. can whole kernal corn, drained
1 15oz. can black beans, drained
1 15oz. can stewed tomatoes, not drained, regular flavor
4t chili powder (use Spice Hunter if you can get it; it has the right sweetness)
1T salt (actually, start a little scant, then add more at the end if needed)
~3c water for consistency
4 cloves fresh garlic, crushed (not garlic powder or garlic salt)
2c fresh cilantro, minced
3c prepared white or brown rice

As with most recipes, if you want to experience bliss, don’t mess with the list.

Heat about half the oil in a medium pot at maximum temperature. When the oil starts to smoke, toss in the onion and bell pepper. Caramelize the peppers and onions so that you have plenty of browning and a little crisping. Stir as needed to prevent sticking and burning. Pour in the rest of the oil and add the ground beef. Mash everything together and cook the ground beef most of the way. Now throw in all the other ingredients (except for the cilantro and rice) along with enough water to create a thick, saucy soup. Simmer at low temp for about fifteen minutes. Add the rice and simmer another five minutes. Remove from heat and toss in the cilantro. Swirl it all together and serve with an appropriate cheap but good red table wine, like the one reviewed above.

Chipotle Cherry BBQ Sauce

Here is a very simple and very good recipe for barbecued chicken, fish, or beef. It may be difficult to locate the chipotle in adobo. It comes in small metal canisters and can be found in the Hispanic section of your local supermarket. Chipotle peppers are smoked jalapeno peppers, and adobo is a type of savory sauce.

Chipotle Cherry BBQ Sauce:

1 can chipotle peppers in adobo (about a cup)
1 jar cherry preserves (about 2 cups)
1t salt
1/4c BBQ sauce (Sweet Baby Ray’s is good)

Blend all these ingredients in a food processor until thoroughly pulped, forming a nice slurry. Should be super spicy and super tasty. Don’t worry, it will be a little milder when you eat it. Brush the sauce onto chicken or fish or beef or whatever at the end of the grilling cycle so that all sides are coated. Let things burn a little, then serve. Super yummy and torches the lips just right without overwhelming the meal.

Buenissimo!

Tom Waits

For those of you who give a shit about real music, Tom Waits is set to release a new album of really juicy material next month. What can I say, this is as good as it gets. Three CDs that should pretty much immortalize the guy forever.

Thanksgiving 2006

I found out today that I will be able to take the entire week off for Thanksgiving. I can't imagine a more wonderful development, since this will allow Kariman, Aiden, Rowan and I to stay at the Santa Barbara beach house for an entire week! I'll get to cook numerous unbelievable meals for the entire family (Karen and Bob will be there, too) and I'll get to make a pilgrimage to some of the best wineries in the world, located literally fifteen minutes away in the Santa Ynez Valley. I hope to hit a few of my favorites, including Au Bon Climat, Zaca Mesa, Andrew Murray, and maybe Cambria. On the way I'll stop at the Hitching Post to try their wines and maybe pick up a bottle of their Highliner Pinot Noir. Can't wait to sit at the same bar where Miles and Jack sat in the movie Sideways! Am I a geek or what?

You can't imagine how truly cool this is unless you've seen the Santa Barbara beach house. Here are a couple pictures from years past... along with one from my favorite movie...

Chipotle Mocha Pork Tenderloin

Okay, so you want to get someone into bed, but all you have are the following ingredients:

1c brown sugar
2c ground cacao nibs (the real thing; use coffee grinder)
1/2c coffee concentrate (see below ***)
1t chipotle powder (morita is good)
1/2t salt
1t vanilla extract
1t ground cinnamon
water for consistency

5 large crimini mushrooms or two portabellas, sliced thin
4 cups or about half a bag of fresh arugala

a fairly large pork tenderloin, about two or three pounds

a bottle of either a) Domaine Coteau Pinot Noir 2003; or b) Zaca Mesa Syrah 2001; or an equivalent really f@#!ing good red wine, big enough to handle the chocolate and surgars

a person of the correct sexual orientation and availability.......

condom..........

Mix all the sauce ingredients in a small pan and heat on medium high until the sugar melts and everything turns into a thick, dark tar, adding water or boiling until desired consistency is achieved. Sautee the mushrooms in a non-stick pan until cooked, then add the arugala, which will wilt down quickly. Remove from heat and cool. Using a sharp knife, slice the tenderloin lengthwise so that it unrolls like a sweetroll, about half an inch thick or thinner, so that you end up with a large, flat, unrolled piece of meat. Slather about half the mocha sauce on the exposed face, then distribute the shroom/arugala mix evenly. Reroll the tenderloin and seal it with tooth picks or bamboo skewers (cut off afterword with wire cutters). Heat grill to very hot. Grill the tenderloin on both sides to get some decent grill lines, then allow it to rest in the center of the grill with the center burner off and the side burners on for indirect heat. Should be around 400 degrees. Using a meat thermometer, roast the tenderloin until heated through, about thirty to forty minutes, about 160 degrees in the center for safety. Remove from grill and allow to rest, then slather with additional chipotle mocha sauce and garnish with fresh cilantro. Open bottle of wine. Mix a salad of arugala and a lite vinagrette, not too acidic. Maybe serve some barbecued yams or equivalent on the side, with fresh thyme butter.

Eat dinner outside with votive candles and Bobby Lounge playing in the background. After dinner, have a dessert of vanilla bean ice cream with Mexican chocolate sauce, then go directly to the bedroom or perhaps the living room couch for a mystical rendezvous. Mission accomplished.

***Coffee concentrate:

Using a French press, mix about five tablespoons of ground coffee with about two cups of boiling water. Stir well, press and use this as your liquid for the chipotle mocha sauce, adding more as needed.

Alpha and Omega

As I look around at my life, I find that I am satisfied. I don't want anything more than what I have. Tucson is enough. This house is enough. It's enough to work where I work and come home to my family.

I enjoy cooking for my friends. I like sharing good wine with people who have realized how to live, who aren't running away from anything, and who feel good just being in their bodies.

I have very little patience for people who would rather be somewhere else. I have very little patience for politicians or anyone who thinks they have the answer.

I do not like additives or preservatives. I do not like vegetarians, environmentalists, bible thumpers, militant lesbians, rednecks, yuppies or anyone who owns a Hummer. I find Hummers to be the ultimate expression of militarism and capitalism run amuck. I detest loud people (unless they are mentally ill, in which case I love them). I like decay in all its forms. Most dogs are dirty. Most cats are obnoxious. I can't decide which bothers me more.

The secret to a good life is pleasure. Sex is good for you. Delicious food is good for you. Tasteless food and sex are not good for you. Raw spinach can kill you, so cook your goddamn food and quit dieting. Have sex instead.

There is no God except the one you bring with you, so you might as well sit down and be quiet.

One life to live. No exceptions. Make it a good one.

Domaine Coteau Pinot Noir 2003

I recently had the pleasure of trying several excellent wines at 58 Degrees and Holding Company here in Tucson. Of the five good wines I tried, my favorite was the 2003 Pinot Noir by Domaine Coteau (just south of Portland, Oregon). This heavily extracted wine was the color of dark cherry jam and less transparent than your typical Pinot. It smelled strongly of black cherry and spices, along with a definitive note of Pepsi Cola. In the mouth the wine was very full, almost overripe, but not flabby, with notes of dark cherry, vanilla, warm spices, leather, and Dr. Pepper (I'm not kidding). The finish was lengthy and powerful. Tannins, oak and alcohol were all within tolerable limits. A very sinful wine that might be just a little big for some folks. I loved it, and the fact that it came from Oregon, just south of my favorite city, made it all the more enjoyable.

The 2003 is currently sold out. I have one bottle left, and can't wait to share it with the right group of people.

The Restaurant

I'm responsible for a group of four gentlemen each weekday morning, for a period of two-and-a-half hours. It doesn't seem like much but it's fairly challenging to keep them going that long. One of the biggest challenges is keeping their cups filled with iced tea. These guys range from purely autistic to severly mentally disabled, and not one of them will take plain old water. So I keep making tea and filling their cups, over and over, throughout the morning. I've started calling my work area "the restaurant" because I mostly serve beverages, snacks, and lunch to my various "customers" while still managing to fit in some artistic instruction. I also have to clean up spills and manage personal hygiene. My favorite job is scrubbing excrement from beneath fingernails so my clients won't poison each other. And all this for under ten dollars and hour!

Reminds me of working at the Blue Willow. Seems I just can't get away from food service, after all.

Shale Ridge Syrah 2004

The other day I was wandering through Sunflower Market with Aiden who is three years old and a very astute shopper. He knows that I like wine and he's always trying to get me to buy things that I don't need. In this case the item was a bottle of 2004 Syrah by Shale Ridge which retails for around $9. I decided to humor him, figuring that the wine couldn't be that bad. I opened the bottle last Friday after a long week with the mentally handicapped, and proceeded to write this review.

The 2004 Syrah by Shale Ridge is a slightly transparent dark ruby color in the glass with no sign of aging and moderate glycerin extraction (legs). The nose consists of the typical Syrah dark fruit aromas with some sage and tar notes. In the mouth the wine is medium dry with good acidity, not flabby, and fairly tannic. The usual dark berry tastes were evident along with white pepper, cumin, thyme, meat, leather and asphalt providing interesting complexity during the rather short and otherwise undistinguished finish. Alcohol and oak were moderate. This wine conveys good varietal distinction and would go well with Middle Eastern food. It is a dry wine that might not appeal to the average American wine drinker, and one that I will not purchase again since I like my Syrah with a bit more extraction and a rounder sugar to acid profile. All in all a worthy effort at a modest price, just not my style.

Finished with Fluoxetine

I have stopped taking Prozac. I've experienced very few withdrawal symptoms. I guess I got it out of my system, so to speak, the night that I got sick. Anyway, I was hoping Prozac would be a good thing but I'm too scared to take it now. I'm rethinking the whole medication question. I'm probably going to try a more natural approach to balancing my psychology, including more exercise.

On an up note, the new job seems to be going fine. Just getting out of the house has already improved my mood. Kariman seems to be doing better, too, although Aiden misses me and wants me to be with him and let Kariman take care of the baby. It's a challenging transition for all of us, but a good one.

I can have wine again, but I'm not going to drink every day like I was. Just weekends and special occasions.

Sigh.

Mystery Illness

Last night I was violently sick. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced. Many people have been sick with stomach flu, so it's possible that I caught a bug from someone. There was, however, one major difference: it felt like a toxic reaction to something. My entire body had this really awful buzz to it and I felt cold and shaky. Vomiting up dinner (with the Prozac I took afterwards) proved to relieve most of the symptoms, although since then I have felt shaky and hot/cold all over. I feel jittery and a little fuzzy headed. This all reminds me of the time I unknowingly consumed too much THC in the form of a pot brownie. I've never been so screwed up, and the reaction was quite similar, with the body buzz, the toxic feelings, the desire to vomit, and the residual fuzziness.

I think it would be wise to give the Prozac a break.

The New Job

My first day at my new job... Tiring... Crazy... I work with about twenty developmentally challenged adults, not one of them alike except for being mentally and emotionally incapacitated. Some don't speak at all, some speak loudly and cannot be understood, some can't walk, some can't see very well, some have accidents in the bathroom. I'm supposed to find ways to stimulate these folks using art media. It's a difficult job, a little like handling a group of toddlers, infants and three-year-olds who are all older than me and who have all the needs and hangups of adulthood.

Reminds me of the drum circle.

Prozac Goals

My goals related to Prozac:

Reduce OCD/ADD tendencies so I can stick with one job and finish tasks.
Reduce angst and irritability (depression).
Reduce dependence on alcohol/caffeine.

I'll need about six months to see if Prozac will help me to find balance in my life. I'm not supposed to drink alcohol since the effects are often doubled by the SSRI. An occasional drink (no driving) shouldn't kill me, but daily drinking would be a bad idea.

Had a headache today, but don't know if it was the Prozac or the fact that I woke up at 4 o'clock this morning to tend to the cats and kids, then didn't really get back to sleep. Or maybe it was Aiden kicking me in the head while I tried to get him to sleep another hour.

Sonoma Creek Pinot Noir 2000

Okay, this wine from Sonoma Creek Winery (California) is both quite good and quite awful. For some reason the winery chose to cellar the stuff for six years, perhaps hoping to increase the complexity and/or roundness, which they seem to have done more or less in spite of the varietal lack of structure. The wine has a nice nose of the usual suspects--cherries, cranberries. In the mouth I tasted jammy cherries, vanilla, leather and dirt, just barely overripe, with nice acidity and medium sweetness. Not too much oak or alcohol. A basically nice wine. However, since the wine has been cellared so long you’ll need to drink it immediately upon opening. Any further storage and the wine quickly collapses, taking on plenty of raisins and rot in the process, making it undrinkable. An unpredictable wine that I’ll pass on in the future.

Costs about $12 retail.

Taft Street Pinot Noir 2004

This medium-bodied Pinot Noir from Taft Street Winery (Sabastopol, California) is one of my favorite casual Pinots. While uncomplicated and relatively short in the mouth, the wine provides a pleasant burst of cherries and grape jelly accompanied by leather and earth. Tannins are very soft and the alcohol is modest. Not much oak, but enough to impart a little vanilla. The wine needs about twenty minutes to open up, so give it time to come around and I think you’ll be satisfied. A good example of affordable Pinot from the upper coastal region of California, and at around $12 it’s a good buy.

Mark West Pinot Noir 2004

The 2004 Pinot Noir from Mark West (Corsica!) is a drinkable wine that, if not for a noticeable undercurrent of horse dooky, would be on my list of occasional purchases. The nose has a nice cranberry and violet bouquet that I haven’t smelled anywhere else in a Pinot Noir. Stranger still, in the mouth the wine comes across tasting a bit like a Petite Sirah, with cherry and warm spice notes accompanied by milk chocolate and earth and a bit of mocha in the not-very-long finish. All of these flavors are woven around a subtle core of road apples, an unsettling discovery to say the least. Some people might not be distracted by a little poop in their wine but it ruins the experience for me. Otherwise the wine seems balanced with mild tannin and not too much oak or alcohol.

I don’t think I’ll buy this one again, and at $11 I can do better. Incidentally, you can find this wine on sale for even less at Trader Joe’s. That is, if you really like the taste of pony poo.

Fluoxetine

To quote a very old friend of mine, “It’s the doctors who have all the really good drugs.” Well, that remains to be seen. Tonight I took my first generic Prozac, aka Fluoxetine, a complex molecular substance that will undoubtedly have some marked effect on my mental disposition. My dosage is fairly small, only twenty milligrams, but this is %@cking PROZAC we're talking about here, the original postmodern solution to all our $*^damn problems! The stuff smacks of pharmaceutical largesse and bilious litigation. Time will tell whether red wine and black coffee would have been better alternatives. Ironically, because of medical insurance, my new drug is very cheap. Getting your hands on it is the hard part. You have to really #uck things up, or be a very good malingerer, in order to convince the person in the white smock to give it to you, and when she does, she does so with sanctimonious discretion.

I’m going to talk about my Fluoxetine experiences in this blog. I am not ashamed of being on Prozac, only curious, concerned, and also a little hopeful. I am, after all, taking this for reasons other than recreation.

Speaking of recreation, since I can’t drink wine while taking Prozac, it may be a long time before the next wine review. Because of this I’ve decided to post a three part Pinot review as sort of a final sendoff.

Enjoy!

Done.

For those of you who have been paying attention, my life has been a pretty big mess for quite a while, culminating in a serious midlife crisis which saw its ultimate depressive breakdown a couple days ago. Thanks to the help of a variety of people, professional and otherwise, I’ve made it through without killing myself or killing anyone else. What it comes down to is this: I’ve been struggling for some time to find my true calling in life. It started with a failed attempt to become an art therapist, which was ultimately a disaster that doesn’t really bear repeating. It ended with a desire to become a professional fine artist, an attempt that was met with some limited success, which complicated matters tremendously. I have also entertained a career as a writer of literary fiction as a possible close second, perhaps rolled into the art career as sort of a dual creative tour-de-force. Well, I have finally come through the fire, and have seen the truth, as it is, of my life.

I am going to take the nine-to-five job working with the developmentally challenged. I am going to give Prozac a try, and see what happens. I am going to be with my family, and I am not going to be a professional artist, or a professional writer, or anything other than a loving father, because ultimately that is what I am here for. There may be paintings or stories left to paint or write, but that is not who I am. I have come through the fire. I have seen the ultimate darkness, and begged for my own death, and I know the truth, and will seek no further in this lifetime.

Oh, and I can’t really drink much wine while I’m on the meds, but that’s okay. Wine just gets better over time, and I have all the time in the world.

Namaste.

Zaca Mesa Roussanne 2004

It’s not often I drink white wine, and when I do I usually don’t bother to spring for an expensive bottle since so many of them are overdone, especially Chardonnays. Then along came this delightful Roussanne by Zaca Mesa and I must say I’ve finally been converted to a pricier ($20) white wine. Roussanne is a Rhone grape varietal with characteristics similar to Pinot Grigio, although less sweet than Grigio and certainly less sweet than Viogner or Chardonnay. I found this particular Roussanne, by Zaca Mesa Vineyards, to be medium bodied with a bracing acidity that interacted nicely with the sugary elements of the wine. In the nose the wine smelled almost exactly like whole wheat toast with apricot jam and honey. I tasted grapefruit, honeydew melon, clover honey, vanilla (from the modest oak) and some spiciness, and the finish was medium long and enjoyable. Alcohol was moderate and tannin was non-existent. One of the nicest whites I’ve tried, and another excellent offering from Zaca Mesa.

Unless you live in Solvang, I’m afraid you’ll have to order this wine from a reputable dealer like 58 Degrees and Holding, or visit the tasting room at Zaca Mesa like my mother-in-law did on her last trip to the Santa Ynez Valley.

Now if she had only brought back more...

Yellow Tail Shiraz 2005

I usually don't write about wines that I wouldn't recommend. The 2005 Shiraz by Yellow Tail Vineyards is one of the rare exceptions. I decided to try a bottle since I've been told that it's a step up from Two Buck Chuck and a good buy. Well, I can honestly say that it's not any better than Two Buck Chuck, but here's the full review, in case you're interested.

Yellow Tail Shiraz is a medium transparent ruby-purple in the glass and shows modest glycerine extraction. The nose gives off a whiff of cherry jelly and spice. The mouth is chalky but not too tannic, and consists of overripe, cherry-plum notes with some spicey dirt and not too much oak. The wine is definately flabby with sugars overwhelming the acidity, kind of like strong Kool Aid with just a touch of cooking sherry and wine vinegar. All these tastes disappear quickly to be replaced by oak and a hint of cocoa on the unadorned finish. Varietal distinction is minimal. This Shiraz could be a Merlot or an overripe Cabernet. A good Red for someone who has recently upgraded from cheap White Zin. Drinkable, but barely so, and no better than the other cheap blended wines found in its company.

There was a time when I might have liked this wine, but quite frankly I'd go for the Cabernet version of Two Buck if I were broke and needed a fix.

Moonset

Full moon. Pink clouds. Tucson.

Balance

Sold $400 worth of watercolors yesterday. Bought two cases of wine worth $400. Balance has been achieved.

Fishing Trip

Guess who caught the biggest fish. Here's a hint: he's not a white guy.

Golden Lentil Soup

This is the soup that I first made at the Blue Willow Restaurant and which has attained a certain mythic status among our various friends and family. It is totally vegan and better than anything non-vegan I have ever tried. The addition of a little sour cream at the end wouldn't hurt, though, if you're into it.

Golden Lentil Soup

1 pound red lentils (these are hulled lentils; avoid using brown or green)
1 medium white or yellow onion, peeled and finely chopped
2c chopped carrots
1/2c chopped fresh cilantro
1c olive oil (don't skimp--this is the secret!)
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1t ground cumin
2t salt (adjust upward to taste)
1t white sugar (not brown, not splenda)
1t black pepper
1/2t turmeric
2t chili powder (Spice Hunter is the best)

t = teaspoon
T = tablespoon
c = cup

Place lentils in large pot and cover with about 3x water. You may rinse the lentils beforehand if desired. Boil the lentils carefully, stirring so that they don't stick to the bottom of the pot. Don't let the pot boil over! skim off any foam that appears on the surface. Once most of the foam is gone, add the onions, oil and dry spices all at once. Reduce heat to simmer and cook for one or two hours or until lentils completely dissolve. Keep stirring to prevent scorching. If soup is too watery, add about 1/2 cup of white rice and simmer until rice softens and soup thickens. Add carrots and cook for an additional 20 minutes until carrots are softened but not mushy. Remove from heat and add fresh cilantro. Add salt to taste, if needed. Add sour cream or yogurt for the ultimate in hedony.

Super awesome!